Weiss in Wonderland
by Nanasuka
Summary: We Re-cast the children's Classic with Weiss characters. Here's what happened. CH 5 up! Rating increase for mild Yaoi in chapters 3+4, drug use in chapter 4.
1. Down the Rabbit Hole

Weiss in Wonderland!  
  
Rating: PG now. Authors: Nanaki-chan and Sohryu Asuka (AKA Resident Bishounen). collectively, Nanasuka.  
  
Note: This is the first post to an RPG that we thought we'd share. We should be posting the rest as a fic, too. if you want to help write it, join the group. It's at   
  
Hope to see you there!  
  
Without further ado, ON with the Fic!  
  
Okay, things were now officially weird. There he was, chasing a white rabbit with a waistcoat and a watch down a hole, his two cats in tow, and the next thing he knew, he was falling. The hole was incredibly long and deep... Now he found himself in a small room. A glass table was in it, and a small door the only exit. The White Rabbit was nowhere in sight.  
  
"Where am I?" he asked, a little frightened. Ten looked around at the strange room, her pointed black ears twitching at every movement or sound. She stood beside Omi and  
  
crossed her furry arms.  
  
"Isn't is obvious, Omi? You're in the place that leads to Wonderland. Which happens to be just beyond that minute little door there," she said, pointing to a really, really tiny door rather near to the ground. Omi jumped. There was a voice beside him. He turned  
  
to look, and found two nekojo, with Dinah and Ashes' colouring.  
  
"Ashes" was the one who spoke.  
  
"Wonderland?" he asked, "What's Wonderland?" Dinah crossed  
  
her arms,  
  
"Haven't you ever seen a Disney movie?" she asked him. Ten/Ashes sighed and placed her paw-like hand on Omi's head,  
  
"Ah, baka-chan; Wonderland is home to the Queen and King of Hearts, and all kinds of other mythical creatures. The Jubjub bird, for instance. Or, the Jabberwock," she suggested, placing her other hand on her hip. That didn't clarify things any, for Omi.  
  
"What's a Jubjub bird? What's a Jabberwock? Why do you look like people, Ashes? Why can you talk?" So many unanswered questions... Things just kept getting weirder and weirder, and Omi hadn't even MOVED. Ten/Ashes sighed quietly, which was coupled with a good-natured laugh,  
  
"Ah Omi, Omi, Omi. My name isn't 'Ashes'; it's Ten. I don't know why I look like a person, or why I can talk, but I do know about Wonderland," she said, smiling at the shorter boy. Poor Omi. This was all terribly strange and confusing. He needed at least ONE familiar element to cling to!... Dinah! Dinah was with him, wasn't he?  
  
"Dinah?" He tried, meekly. Dinah just smiled gently at him,  
  
"My name is Nakami, Omi. And if you want to know what wonderland is, the best way to find out is for you to go there yourself." Ten nodded,  
  
"Yes, excellent idea, Nakami-chan!" she said, snapping her paw-like hand. Then, she suddenly whipped out a bottle of purple liquid labelled "drink me" from Hammer Space and handed it to Omi,  
  
"Here; drink this and you'll shrink down to the perfect size to fit through the door into Wonderland," she said, grinning a rather fangishly toothy grin. Omi didn't take the liquid at first. He only then noticed he was wearing a PINK dress... and it wasn't all that  
  
plain, either. It was on the poufy side. Omi lifted the skirt up, trying to take it off, and then pushed it down quickly again, blushing. He wasn't wearing much UNDER the dress, it seemed. Not seeing another option, he took the bottle, "Well, here goes nothing," he said, and chugged the contents.  
  
«Omi + Shrinkage = Next Scene»  
  
And with that, Omi shrunk until he was small enough to fit in the door. He tried the knob. The door made an objectory sound then 'pulled' itself away from Omi's hand,  
  
"Yo, mah brutha! Whuddup wit dat?! You tryin'a break mah nose uh' sum'n?" it asked, 'looking' up at Omi. Omi let out a small shriek, tried to step back, failed, and fell onto his behind,  
  
"What!? No.. I'm just trying to get through," he said. Ten leaned down and picked Omi up off the floor. The door eyed her as she did so,  
  
"Oooh miss kitteh gotta nice piece'a tail on yo black ass!" it chided. Ten stood bolt upright and hissed at the door. "Oh~ did I piss duh kitteh off uh' sum'n now?" it asked, sarcastically. Ten rolled her eyes in annoyance,  
  
"Just let us through," she said, crossing her arms. The door's hinges creaked, which more or less indicated it's version of a shrug,  
  
"No can do sistuh." Nakami thought for a moment.  
  
"What's the matter?" she asked the door. Her eyes took on a  
  
myschevious look, "Rusted over?" Omi smiled gratefully at Ashes - Oops. Ten, and rubbed his behind. Ten nodded back and then turned her attention back on the door. The  
  
door's 'face' scrunched as if it had been offended,  
  
"No, I ain't no rustay piece-uh-shit do'a. But yous need a key tuh get thru, and I ain't see nobody gott'n no key uh' nu'in," it said, looking at Nakami rather rudely. Omi was confused again.  
  
"Key? What key?" Nakami seemed put off.  
  
"Dude, chill.. It's called a joke," she said, and proceeded to feel herself up for a key. Ten rolled her eyes in annoyance. She placed her hands behind her back and snapped her fingers, formulating aforementioned key from Hammer Space into her hands. She then  
  
pretened to look on the floor for a key, then walked behind Omi and pressed the aforementioned key into his palm, then continued her search of the floor. Nakami pointed to the door decicively."HA!" She exclaimed,  
  
"Take THAT you rusty 'piece-uh-shit-do'a!" Omi stared at the key like it was an alien artifact,  
  
"Where do I put it?" he asked. The door look offended but simply harumphed, and said nothing. Ten sweatdropped and brought her hand to her forehead,  
  
"Omi; Omi, where do you *normally* put keys when it comes to  
  
doors?" she asked, looking at him.  
  
"It just doesn't seem.. right. Shoving the key into the poor guy's mouth," Omi rationalized. Ten sighed, rather exasperatedly,  
  
"Omi; honey; it's a *door*. Whether it's animated or not, at the end of the day, it's still a door. Just stick the key in his mouth, give it a turn, and go on through," she said, nudging him forward. Grudgingly, Omi did so.  
  
This fic has been brought to you by:  
  
~Asuka-chan: "You can't raise hell on an empty stomach."  
  
&  
  
~N-chan: "There was cheese on the wheel. And there was the mouse,  
  
trying to get the cheese on the wheel. And the wh-*is smacked over  
  
the head with a mallet* X.x" 


	2. Curiouser and Curiouser

Weiss in Wonderland!  
  
Rating: PG now. Authors: Nanaki-chan and Sohryu Asuka (AKA Resident Bishounen). collectively, Nanasuka.  
  
Note: This is the first post to an RPG that we thought we'd share. We should be posting the rest as a fic, too. if you want to help write it, join the group. It's at   
  
Hope to see you there!  
  
Without further ado, ON with the Fic!  
  
The door willingly swung open, taking Omi with it on it's swinging journey inwards..towards Wonderland. Ten followed after him, looking around for some form of life; but also hoping not to find any, recalling what actually lived in Wonderland. That was when Omi spotted him: The White Rabbit. He was on a path ahead of them, charging ahead, muttering something about being late. What could he POSSIBLY be late for? Wanting to know, Omi charged ahead after him.  
  
"WAIT!" he cried. Ten sighed, rather disdainfully, then muttered,  
  
"Note to self; find restraint for boy in pink dress once rabbit is caught," before chasing after Omi, "Matte~!!" Nakami snickered, looking after Ten,  
  
"Watch out, White Rabbit," she said sarcastically, then also chased after Omi. Ten growled as she chased after Omi,  
  
"Why must you chase the damn rabbit?! Can't you look him up in the phone book, find out where he's going, then find him later?" she asked, finally finding a pace next to Omi.  
  
"He might not be going home. Who knows if his number is listed... Besides, I don't know his name," Omi rationalized, and continued calling. Ten grumbled,  
  
"Must...not..kill...child.." Tired of being yelled at, the White Rabbit stopped, and looked angrily at Omi and his two Nekojo,  
  
"Can't you see I'm late?" he said testily. Ten sweatdropped as she came to a near-screeching halt, almost crashing into the rabbit,  
  
"Yes..I think it's blindingly apparent to myself and my friends," motioning to Nakami and Omi, "that you are most definitely late. But gaki- chan here had to know *why* you were late.." she said, coughing a few times, trying to catch her breath. "Hey!" Omi protested. "I was just curious." The rabbit took out his pocketwatch and looked at it. Then he freaked,  
  
"OH MY GOD! Look at the time! I'm so terribly late!" And with that, he took off again, faster than before. Ten took this moment to think //Oh shit..// then look down at Omi with a look that more or less pleaded from "please don't keep chasing the bunny.." Of course, Omi took off after the bunny, but soon lost sight of him. Dang. Now where had he got to? When Omi finally stopped running, Ten nearly crashed into him. She growled and buried her face in her hands, twitching slightly. Then she looked up at their surroundings. She failed to notice a few of the strange birds staring at them oddly, but she *did* happen to notice the ominous grin residing itself in some of the upper branches. Ten let out a shreik and pointed up at it with no sense of grace whatsoever,  
  
"What the fsck is that?!" o.O Nakami looked in the direction indicated, and also saw the grin.  
  
"I don't like the look of that."  
  
"Oh, come on now," said the grin "You girls sure know how to make a guy feel unwanted." Ten's left eye twitched,  
  
"Okay..all in favour of leaving the unnervingly frightening, bodyless grin in the tree and high-tailing it in that direction," she said, pointing in the direction they were initially running in chasing the rabbit, "please raise your hand now or forever hold your peace," she said, edging away from the tree. Before anyone could reply, a face began to materialize around the grin. Then a body. The grin belonged to a psychadelically striped Neko-jin with long, orange hair, a yellow headband, and sunglasses. Ten sweatdropped and smiled half-heartedly,  
  
"I should've known...the only person or other in Wonderland with a grin that could scare the pants offa me...not that I wear pants anyways, but you know," she said, crossing her arms, "So what's with the grin? Or is there something you find entertaining?" The Nekojin hung from his knees off his branch, bringing his face level with Ten's,  
  
"I just so happen to be having a wonderful day," he said. Omi, on his part, had clung onto Nakami's shoulder, her being the closest, and backed up a few paces. Ten instinctively backed up a step,  
  
"That's...great. Well, if you don't mind," she said, turning about and motioning for the others to start walking, "We'll be taking our leave now.." she said, turning back to address him before preparing to take off.  
  
"What? And we haven't even been properly introduced yet!" The cat protested. Ten sweatdropped. Great. Formalities. Ten stopped and turned back around,  
  
"Uhm...hi, I'm Ten?" she offered, shrugging her shoulders a bit.  
  
"Nakami," said Nakami, not moving, other than to poke Omi when he said nothing.  
  
"M-my name's Omi," Omi said, waving slightly. The nekojin's eyes took on a new expression,  
  
"I'm the Cheshire cat," he said, "but YOU can call me Schuldig." Ten rubbed her cheek,  
  
"Okay Mr. Cheshire,"she said, "nice to meet you and all but uh..we really have to be going," she said, edging away from the psychedelic kitty, pulling Omi along with her. //Where we have to be going *to* can be figured out later. Far away from him..// she added inwardly.  
  
"I wouldn't go this way if I were you." warned Schuldig, appearing in front of them suddenly.  
  
"Why not?" Omi asked, defensively. Ten, not paying real attention to anything other than her want to be far away from the nekojin, walked straight into Cheshire, then backed up a few paces rubbing her nose, then pointed down at Omi,  
  
"What he said.." Schuldig smirked again.  
  
"The mad hatter lives down this way." He told them. Omi whimpered. He didn't want to meet anyone mad. Ten sniffed,  
  
"Yeah, uh-huh, that's great. We done here?" she asked, sensing a bit of Omi's discomfort at the mention of the Mad Hatter. She really wasn't in the mood for games, however, and decided to press on. If they did run into a crazy, there were always those great little powers they could use for backup. And if all else failed, there was a nifty invention called legs. The cheshire cat moved to one side, resigned to their great desire to move on. It was no problem. He could just as easily catch them some other time.  
  
"All right, but don't say I didn't warn you," he said. Ten waved her hand non-chalantly,  
  
"Yeah yeah, warnage warnage." she said, continuing her stroll along the windey, windey path, dragging gaki-chan along.  
  
"Can't we just take a detour around the mad people?" Omi whined. Nakami let out an exhasperated sigh, and folded her arms,  
  
"Boy, you have a one-track mind," she said. Ten sighed,  
  
"Yeah, really," she replied to Nakami, then stopped and stood in front of Omi, "Relax Omi. No one's going to bother you, Omi. Nakami and I'll make sure of that," she said, patting him on the head.  
  
"Now, we must continue," she said, retaking Omi's hand and continuing her seemingly leisurely stroll. //If he mentions that rabbit again I'm going to have to gag him..// she thought to herself, sighing quietly.  
  
That was when off-key singing caught Omi's ears. Omi couldn't make out the words, but it definitely sounded upbeat. Now, he knew that it was probably this Mad Hatter he had been warned about, but his curiosity got the better of him. He just HAD to know for sure. And so, he started in the direction of the song. Ten growled; this kid had a curiosity to rival that of a kitten's. She took ahold of his shoulder before he could get anywhere and spun him around to stare him in the eye,  
  
"And you're going where-now?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.  
  
"What's that song?" Omi asked another question as his reply. Nakami rolled her eyes,  
  
"Off-key," she said. Ten nodded in reply to Nakami's statement, then cocked her ears, listening more closely to see if she could make out any words. After a moment, she stood back up,  
  
"It's the Unbirthday Song," she said, then grabbed Omi's shoulders, spun him back around, and directed him down the path, AWAY from the singage. Omi, for one, was stronger than his image of cutesy-boy-in-a-pink- dress would convey. He struggled, and suceeded in breaking free. He charged off towards the singing. He just HAD to know what and who it was. It was bothering him to no end. Ten slapped her forehead,  
  
"GRA! Little f***er!!" she screamed, chasing after the blonde boy. //This// she thought, making reference to the constant chasing-of-the-Omi, //is going to become commonplace..I can feel it..// 


	3. The Yaoi Tea Party

Weiss in Wonderland!  
  
Rating: PG - 13 now.  
Authors: Nanaki-chan and Sohryu Asuka (AKA Resident Bishounen)… collectively, Nanasuka.  
  
Note: This is the third post to an RPG that we thought we'd share. We should be posting the rest as a fic, too… if you want to help write it, join the group. It's at yahoo groups, under the name of Weiss in Wonderland.  
  
Hope to see you there!   
  
Without further ado, ON with the Fic!  
Omi arrived at the rather long table where two strange looking ... people?... were just finishing up their song,  
"Uhm... hello?" he asked nervously, getting closer. Ten finally caught up with the child that she was going to maim shortly after they were away from the crazies,  
  
"Omi! Holy crap don't do that! How are we supposed to keep you out of trouble if you ke--...uh-oh.." she said, faltering near the end of her sentence. The one that looked much like a rabbit, and   
Ten assumed to be the March Hare, hopped up and uhh...sort of hobbled over to them,  
  
"Ah~! Guests!" he kind of squeaked then motioned to some empty chairs, "Sit down, sit down," he said, smiling. Ten grasped Omi's shoulders and slowly started edging away from the table,  
  
"No..that's okay.." she said.   
  
"We really must be going," Nakami confirmed.  
  
"OH, but I insist" said the Mad Hatter, jumping to his feet, "It's so seldom we have guests. Would you care for some tea?" Omi's eyes brightened, much to Nakami's chagrin,  
  
"Tea? I Love tea!" he said. Ten slapped her forehead,  
  
"No.." she said, glaring at Omi's back. Her eyes drifted up the to ceiling of the forest and she shook her fist, but didn't really say anything. She also then refused the chair offered her by the March Hare, and stood beside Omi, "Fine. You can have a cup of tea, but then we're leaving..." she said, lightly poking Omi's upper   
arm. The March Hare got a pouty look,  
  
"Stay for more than just one cup! We never have any company!" he said. Ten grumbled. This was turning out beautifully.   
  
"It's not good for a person to be in such a hurry," agreed the Mad Hatter. Omi happily took a seat beside the March Hare. Nakami, also, did not take a seat, and folded her arms disaprovingly. Ten leaned down to whisper to Omi,  
  
"Omi, we really *really* shouldn't stay around these two longer than we really need to. Things get really--" The March Hare thwacked Ten on the temple with a spoon,  
  
"It's not polite to whisper in front of others!" he said, glaring at her. Ten growled and almost punched the little anthro,  
  
"It's not polite to thwack people's temples with spoons, either!" she snapped. The Mad hatter ignored it, and poured Omi a cup of Tea. Omi thanked him, and sipped at it. Ten and the March   
Hare remained glaring at each other for a moment, then Ten refused to look at him anymore and crossed her arms disdainfully, cocking her hip to one side. The March Hare poured himself a cup of tea then   
addressed Omi,  
  
"So, what part of Wonderland are you from?" he asked. Ten rolled her eyes, tapping her fingers against her arm impatiently.   
  
"Oh, I'm not from Wonderland," Omi told the bunny-boy honestly, "In fact, I've only just arrived."  
Meanwhile, the Mad Hatter had occupied himself with a used tea bag and a knife. He was cutting the bag open with said knife. Ten eyed the Mad Hatter warily, then out of habit, began pacing back and forth   
impatiently. The March Hare 'threw' a cup at Ten's head,  
  
"Don't pace! It's bad manners!" he snapped. Ten twitched visibly and struggled for a moment to contain herself. When she did, she stuck out her tongue at the March Hare and continued pacing.  
"So what's your name then?" the March Hare asked coyly. Nakami leaned against a tree, and tapped her foot. The mad Hatter gave both her and Ten an angry glare, but like Ten, she continued.  
  
"It's Omi," Omi introduced himself, "What's yours?" The March Hare smiled quaintly,  
  
"Everyone calls me the March Hare, but my real name is Nagi," he said, eyeing Omi up. "Crumpet?" he offered, holding up a plate. Ten glowered at Nagi without actually looking at him, then began looking for quick escape routes while pacing. Omi took one happily, and bit into it.  
  
"And what's your friend's name?" he asked once he'd swallowed. The Mad Hatter looked extremely pleased,  
  
"They call me the mad Hatter, but my friends call me Farfarello," he explained, then thought, "Come to think of it, I think Nagi's the only one. Oh well." He continued his dissection of the tea bag, and began to sort through it's innards. Ten shuddered and looked at Omi, then at Nagi, then this Farfarello character, who   
was really beginning to frighten her. She swerved in front of Nagi to talk to Omi,  
  
"Seriously, Omi, finish your tea, and let's leave," she said in all seriousness. Omi took a small sip of his tea, and looked up. Nakami was looking very impatient, and Ten was bordering pissed. Omi   
was confused,  
  
"Why? What's wrong?" he asked. Nagi and Farfarello seemed to be perfectly fine to him. Ten made a strangled noise of frustration,  
  
"You can't be serious, Omi! What's wrong? Take a look at your surroundings! You're sitting down to tea with a rabbit-anthro who is SO checking you out. There's a guy at the end of the table dissecting a frickin' tea bag, and there's a mouse-anthro humping the butter...which I just noticed now and really wish I hadn't," she   
said, then stood up and proceeded to rub her eyes to devoid them of the horrible, horrible image of the mouse humping the brick of butter. The only bit that sunk in was the bit about Nagi checking him out. He looked at Nagi increduously.  
  
"Checking me OUT?!" He half exclaimed, half-asked. Nakami heaved an irritated sigh, and began to massage her temples. Ten growled,  
  
"Omi! Forget about the scary-rabbit anthro checking you out! You're apparently a little ignorant to people's reputations in Wonderland, but the Mad Hatter and the March Hare are both a little crazy and a good thing to AVOID if at all possible. We could have avoided them, but you had to know what they were singing.." she said, going off on a tangent. Nagi smiled,  
  
"You liked our singing??" he exclaimed, suddenly becoming grossly cute and childish. Omi blushed madly, at the checking-out and at the singing,  
  
"Well... Yeah," he admitted. Nakami rolled her eyes,   
  
"For CRYING out LOUD!" she exclaimed. Ten fell over, then stood back up, then glared at the ceiling again,  
  
"This is all your fault!" she said, shaking her fist vehemently at the tree-cover. She noticed the mouse again, then picked it up and hurled it into the underbrush, "GO HUMP SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE DON'T EAT!" she shreiked, then glared at the butter. Nagi smiled coyly and leaned forward,  
  
"Do you sing..?" he asked, his expression becoming flirtatious. Omi was feeling decidedly nervous,  
  
"N-no.. Not really," he said.  
  
"All in favour of dragging the kid out kicking and screaming?" Nakami asked Ten, moving over to her. Ten's eye twitched,  
  
"Ay!" she said, then grabbed Omi, pulled him up over her shoulder, and high-tailed it from the clearing with Nakami in tow. And kicking and screaming Omi went,  
  
"WAIT! LET ME GO! I DIDN'T FINISH MY CRUMPET!" he protested. The Mad Hatter ignored it all, making designs on the tablecloth with the teabag innards. Nagi whined,  
  
"Oh~..." he pouted, "There goes my man-candy.." he said, then returned begrudgingly to his crumpet and cup of tea. Ten growled up at Omi,  
  
"Screw your crumpet boy! My first responsibility is to keep you safe!" she said, then came to a stop very very far away from the Mad Hatter and his acomplice. She put Omi down then, "And what kind of gaurdian would I be if I let you get jumped by Mr. Rabbit, huh?"   
  
she asked, quirking an eyebrow.   
"I'd Rather screw Nagi!" Omi shouted before he'd had a chance to think. Once he thought, he came up with another question, "Since when are you my guardians?" he asked, "I thought you were just my   
cats."  
"Since now," Nakami snapped. Ten sighed disdainfully,  
  
"We've been your gaurdians since forever. It's a cat thing. But since we're in Wonderland someone gave us human forms, I'm assuming sos that we could keep you from getting into shitloads of trouble, much alike to the kinds you could've already gotten into. So just shush and deal," she said, then realised that she was completely lost, "Damn...anyone have a road map or something..?" That was when laughter met their ears, and a myschevious grin met their eyes. The grin was floating in midair, a few metres in front of them. Ten made a pained expression and struggled not to start pouting,  
  
"Guh...why now..?" she said, glaring up at the tree-cover again.   
  
"You are the one asking for directions," said the mouth, in the voice belonging to the Cheshire Cat. His head, and his long, red-orange hair appeared around the grin. Ten shuddered visibly,  
  
"Please...don't just half form. I'd rather see your whole body as opposed to just your head," she said, then realised how wrong that might have sounded, then paused a moment. "As for directions, where are we going to be steered to now?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow. Schuldig complied, and sashayed up to Ten  
  
"It's okay. You don't have to explain. I know you find me attractive," he struck a pose, and then went over to Omi, and ran a finger down his cheek, and neck, "To tell you the truth, so does he." Omi blushed again. "Or is it she?" Now Omi was red for a different reason,  
  
"I'm a HE!" Omi insisted. Ten took Schu's hand away from Omi,  
  
"Don't touch him," she said, giving him a menacing look, then dropped his hand. Nakami went up to Schu, "Look, either do something useful, or piss off," she demanded. Schu looked insulted. Ten cleared her throat and then said, almost begrudgingly,  
  
"Please."   
  
"Anything for a trio of pretty faces," Schu resigned. "About two minutes walk in that direction," he said, pointing, "Lives the caterpillar. But I'd keep the kid away from him, if you disapprove of mind-altering substances. Auf Wiedersehen!" And with that, he disappeared again. Ten growled and put her head in her hands,  
  
"F*cker...that didn't help...at all!" she shouted out at the forest. She was sure he was somewhere laughing at them, but at this point she didn't care. She took Omi's hand and started walking in the direction dear Cheshire had pointed them in. As they got closer, Omi heard more singing. It was a man's voice... the lyrics were just random vowels, but the melody was hypnotic. Was this 'caterpillar' the one singing? He had to know. He charged forward once more.  
  
"Aw God-damn.." said Ten, then took off after Omi.  
  
This chapter has been brought to you by:  
  
~Asuka-chan: "Very merry Unbirthday to you!"  
&  
~N-chan: "The cats...they demand fanart! DEMAND!" 


	4. Of Carrots and Mushrooms

Weiss in Wonderland!  
  
Rating: PG - 13 now.  
Authors: Nanaki-chan and Sohryu Asuka (AKA Resident Bishounen)… collectively, Nanasuka.  
  
Note: This is the third post to an RPG that we thought we'd share. We should be posting the rest as a fic, too… if you want to help write it, join the group. It's at yahoogroups, under the name of Weiss in Wonderland  
  
Hope to see you there!   
  
Wait. Before I continue, let me just say that Nanasuka does not in any way condone the use of controlled/illegal substances.  
  
When Omi reached the source of the song, he found a man in a blue suit, with bright-red hair, smoking on a pipe. The smoke was forming the letters he sang, and they were coloured various colours that one doesn't normally associate smoke with. Curious, Omi got closer. Ten, as per usual, finally caught up with the chibi and   
before he could get any closer to the guy who was smoking, grabbed his shoulders and dragged him back a few steps,  
  
"Omi! Omi, it's not good to get too close to people like that. After all; do you *know* what he's smoking?" she asked, looking at him in all seriousness.   
  
"Wah!" Omi yelped as he was dragged backwards. He looked up at the two catgirls, "I don't know, but it doesn't look like tobacco to me," he said.  
  
"Of COURSE it isn't tobacco," Nakami said in a disapproving tone. Ten sweatdropped,  
  
"Omi, if that was tobacco, letters wouldn't be forming as he sang them. He's smoking crack, hun. And I don't want you around anyone who's smoking...anything actually. Although cigarettes are preferable to crack," she said, turning Omi about and marching him away from the caterpillar.   
  
"WAIT!" Omi protested, "I just want to ask him a few questions!" Nakami assisted in the marching,  
  
"Look, if he's smoking Crack like he is, I doubt you'd get a straight answer out of him anyway. And besides, as your guardians, we have to keep you away from low-lives like him." It may have been so, but Omi struggled to free himself anyway. Ten grumbled in annoyance,  
  
"Fine. I'll give you five minutes to ask him the questions you want. However, after that five minutes is up regardless of whether or not you've gotten all the answers you want, I'm going to drag you away, kicking and screaming like the girly-bishonen that you are," she said, crossing her arms. "And another thing," she added, "if he offers you anything and you take it, I'll break your fingers. I don't care if I'm your guardian, you'll not be accepting gifts from strangers. Especially that kind. Are we clear?" she asked, staring the chibi straight in the eye.   
  
"Yaay!" was Omi's response, and he ran up to the man's mushroom, and stood right in front of it.  
  
"Who Are You?" The man asked pointedly, looking down at Omi.   
  
"I don't know if I like the kid standing so close to the source of that smoke," Nakami said softly to Ten, her hands on her hips. Ten nodded,  
  
"Agreed," she said, then grabbed Omi's shoulders (again) and forced him to step back a couple feet, "Don't stand so close to the smoke, chibi," she said, giving the caterpillar a sullen look.   
  
"HEY!" Omi protested, "Don't call me chibi!" He took one step forward in defiance, and answered the man's question, "I'm Omi," he said brightly, "Who are you?"  
  
"I am The Caterpillar, and my name is Ran. You may call me Aya," said the man. Ten resisted the urge to thwap Omi across the back of the head and simply brought him back a step,  
  
"Don't do that Omi. I don't want you inhaling any of those fumes," she said, planting herself behind the chibi. Nakami rolled her eyes at the thought,  
  
"Heavens, no. He'll be seeing white rabbits everywhere," she said. Omi ignored them. He was a bit confused at the man's response. His name was Ran but he wanted Omi to call him Aya?. . . . Well, Omi   
had heard a teensy little bit of what that 'crack' stuff could do to you, so he just went and called him Aya anyway. Ten's eye twitched at the thought of Omi being that stoned off his bishonen ass,  
  
"Heaven forbid. Because, regardless of the fact that I was his guardian, I would tie him to a tree and gag him until he became sober again," she said, a random thought bubble with stick people running around doing the things she said she would do appearing above her head. She growled and popped the thought bubble, then returned to her state of stoic silence.   
  
"What are You, my dear gender-and-age-nonspecific person?" Aya asked, pointing at Omi with the mouthpiece of his pipe. Omi sweatdropped,  
  
"I'm a 17-year-old boy!" he insisted.  
  
"Yes, you. Who are you?" The caterpillar seemed somewhat paranoid.  
  
"I'm Omi!" Omi insisted. Ten sweatdropped,  
  
"Okay, kiddo! Five minutes," she said, then hoisted Omi up onto her shoulder and began to walk away. It was just as good. The circular reasoning was driving Omi nuts. He would have gone quietly, had the damn sexy White Rabbit not crossed Omi's path,  
  
"THE WHITE RABBIT!" Omi exclaimed, and fought Ten for all he was worth, until he was free. Then he bolted after the rabbit. "Mr. Rabbit! Wait!"  
  
"But I'm LATE!" protested the rabbit, and did not wait.  
  
"Oh no you don't!" Ten said, then scrambled after the chibi and tackled him, pinning his arms behind him, "I've had enough of chasing your white ass all over Wonderland for one day!" she said, her eye twitching involuntarily. Cue the entrance of the Cheshire Cat,  
  
"Ooh, such Kinky Nekojo," he accused from somewhere. Ten rolled her eyes,  
  
"I don't mingle with species," she said, "I stick to my own, thanks," she said, then got up off Omi, and pulled him up as well. She placed her hands on his shoulders to keep him from bolting off anywhere else.   
  
"Good..." said Schu, sounding pleased. "That's more bishounen for me, then." He appeared almost in a flash, all at once in front of Omi. He grabbed his head and forced it to tilt upwards, leaned forward, and kissed Omi, passionately. Ten's eyes nearly bugged out of her head,  
  
"Holy fucking shit!" she shrieked, then yanked Omi back and away from the cat anthro. Almost before Omi was away from the Cheshire, Ten's right leg sprung upward and thwacked the Nekojin   
across the face. She leapt backwards and stood defensively in front of Omi,   
  
"I said not to touch him and I meant it," she said, glaring at him venomously. Nakami pulled Omi away from the flying limb,  
  
"Don't worry, Omi. We won't let the dirty old cat touch you." Nakami said, more for Schu than Omi. The Cheshire cat was almost knocked over. Almost, but not quite. Once he had caught his balance,   
he smirked again, looking at Omi's reaction to having been kissed,  
  
"Funny, it seems the boy WANTS me to kiss him," he observed. It was true. Omi was stunned, an odd grin on his face. Ten stood up straight and then cocked her hip to one side,  
  
"And I care?" she asked sarcastically, "You can kiss him later, when I'm not watching. As long as I'm a conscious guardian however, I can't allow you to touch him. But hey, if he wants to get molested on his own time, he can. Not my job to keep him intact if I'm not clocking time. I don't get paid enough to protect him from   
crazies *and* horny bastards like yourself, so I stick to the crazy. But don't let me catch you trying anything like that again. Because next time, I won't be kicking the head on your shoulders," she said, giving Schu a dire look.   
  
"Oh yeah?" Schuldig asked, thinking he'd found a potential loophole... "When does your shift end, then?"  
  
"When mine starts." Nakami replied, plugging it. Ten nodded curtly,  
  
"Yes. But like I said, when I'm not clocking time, I'm not the one you have to worry about," she said, smirking slightly, "So...what fuckified place are you going to send us to this time?" she addressed Schu while flicking Omi's nose to get that frightening grin off his face. That didn't help him much. Schu could   
tell that Nakami was planning on doing something similar if he tried anything on HER watch, too...  
  
"Well..... I can't help but notice that your bishounen is quite taken by the White Rabbit," Schu said, pensively, "His place is right down that way, you know." He pointed in the appropriate direction, and then disappeared, gradually this time. Ten fell over and didn't move for a moment, then stood back up and glared at the Cheshire's disappearing self,  
  
"I hope you get attacked by rabid Hell Hounds!" she said, grumbling. "Of course...send us to the one place that I don't want to go..." she mumbled, then looked at Omi, "You saw where he pointed, ne?" Omi didn't reply. He didn't hear, on account of the fact that he was already barreling down the road. Nakami looked for the kid in the indicated direction, and spotted him.  
  
"Aw, crap," she said. Ten's eye twitched when she noticed little blinkies where Omi had stood mere seconds before. She then looked down the road to find a tiny speck, which was Omi, surrounded by a cloud of dust. A rather large cloud of dust. Ten sighed disdainfully,  
  
"He dies. Really. He really really dies," she said, although without any real feeling, and then shakoom!ed down the road after him, cursing the whole way. Nakami did likewise. Omi had already come across a really nice looking house, complete with white-picket fence, and a carrot patch. It just HAD to be the rabbit's house; it was so PERFECT! Ten finally caught up with the little brat and tackled him, even though he'd come to a stop,  
  
"God I'm going to kill you!" she screamed, "Don't do that! If you do that again I'm going to hog-tie you to a stick so I can cart you around without having to worry about you constantly running off!" and then she got up off him and pulled him up as well. She took a look at the house and tilted her head to the side, "That thing is freakishly familiar," she said, sweatdropping. Omi took the opportunity of Ten getting off of him to hop the fence (no easy task, in that dress), and run up to the front door.   
  
"Mr. Rabbit!~!" he called. Ten grumbled something in a foreign language and then also hopped then fence,  
  
"Omi, I doubt he's home. Even if he is, what do you want from him anyways?" she asked, standing behind him with crossed arms.   
  
"I just want to know if he'll be this busy tonight, and if not, if he'll GET busy with me," Omi called, back, then froze. He wasn't supposed to say that second part out loud! Ten's eyes squinted and she wrinkled her nose as her brow knitted as if she'd just smelled something putrid,  
  
"Omi...as much as I'd love to be your confidant and all, but I really didn't need to hear that. Although I'm pretty sure you didn't initially plan on saying that last bit out loud...try not to do that anymore. Mental images aren't always a pretty thing," she said, then realized how sex-crazed the chibi could possibly be. Omi didn't respond. He was too busy fumbling for the doorknob. He found it, and turned it. The door was open. He darted inside, locking the door after him.  
  
"Mr. Rabbit?" he called into the seemingly empty house. Ten's eyes bugged slightly and she banged on the door,  
  
"Omi! Come out here this instant you little fucker! Not only is it rude to barge into people's houses like that you don't even know what's in there!" she yelled, running through various curses. There didn't seem to be anyone home, but there was a yummy smell not too far away... a COOKIE JAR! Omi couldn't resist: they   
were his favorite kind. He had one. Just one. It couldn't hurt, could it? It could. Omi grew exponentially until his head, arms, and legs were sticking out of holes in the house. Not all of them had been there beforehand. Ten retreated from the house when Omi went through his growth spurt. She screamed out of pure anger and struggled not to tear her hair out,  
  
"DAMN IT OMI! Why?! Why must you always not listen! Now what are we going to do? ¡El tonto!" she yelled, then more or less passed out, only without the loss of consciousness. She just kind of laid there on the walk, staring at the sky with glazed eyes as she waited for inspiration to come.   
  
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to put strange things in your mouth?!?!" Nakami also yelled, shaking a fist up at Omi. Inspiration didn't come, but the White Rabbit did. When he saw what Omi'd done to herself, he freaked,  
  
"MY HOUSE! YOU WRECKED MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE!!! GET OUT, YOU MONSTER!!!!!" He shouted up at Omi. Ten scrambled to her feet and bowed,  
  
"Oh my God! I am so so sorry about this whole mess! Uhm...you've mentioned before that you were in a real big hurry. Would you mind telling me where you're heading to?" she asked, tilting her head.   
  
"I need to get to work, at The Queen's Royal Palace!" the rabbit almost snapped, "And this... THING of yours isn't helping!" Ten sweatdropped,  
  
"He's not mine. If he was mine, I'd be dead or mental. If I'm not already," she said, then turned around and yelled up at Omi, "He's in a hurry to get to work! Now get out of his house without breaking it or I'll break you!" and with that she turned about and waited for Omi to fix himself.   
  
"HOW?" Omi shouted back down. Guh...this was getting stupid,  
  
"Eat a carrot or something! I don't know...eat another cookie? NO! Don't do that! Eat a carrot and pray that I don't have to KILL YOU..." she said, eye beginning to twitch involuntarily.   
  
"NO! Not my beautiful carrot patch!" the rabbit protested.   
  
"Do you WANT him stuck in your house like that forever?" Nakami demanded.   
  
"No," said the rabbit sheepishly.  
  
"Then deal. Omi, eat the carrot," she ordered. Omi complied, in fear of his life. Ten crossed her arms and waited for Omi to ingest the carrot. Omi had difficulty swallowing the carrot. It hadn't even been washed! How gross! Once he had managed it, however, he shrunk back to normal size and exited the house. Ten grabbed Omi by the shoulders and shook him a little violently,  
  
"Don't ever do that again! If you do, I'm going to throw you off a bridge into a dry riverbed, jump all over your mangled body with golf shoes, rub salt all into your fresh wounds, then I'm going to dip you in barbeque sauce and throw you in a pit of fire ants, before I finally throw you into a pit of man-eating anacondas do you understand me you inattentive little shit!!" she said, her eye finally ceasing to spasm. Omi looked up at the trio of anthros.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said, tears in his eyes, "Really I am. I won't do it again, I promise."  
  
"Like hell he won't," Nakami muttered under her breath, less than convinced. Ten sighed quietly and hugged the chibi,  
  
"Omi, for all your cuteness and not-listening-to-your-guardians and your mindless blonde stupidity, you're still loved. Just don't piss me off like that again. It hurts people and it gives a migraine like you wouldn't believe," she said, mussing his hair, "So seriously; at least *attempt* to control your curiosity. Please. If not for the sake of your well-being, then for my sanity," she said, emphasizing the sanity part of her sentence. Omi tried desperately to keep himself from crying. He failed, and huggled Ten, reached out, and grabbed Nakami's hand,  
  
"I'm sorry," he said between sobs. "I promise I'll try not to run off anymore." The rabbit checked his watch, and freaked out again,  
  
"LOOK at the TIME! I have to go!"...and with that, he went. Ten's ears twitched and her claws jumped out and lightly grabbed Omi's dress from the back as she kept him locked where he was for the   
time being,  
  
"No more chasing the White Rabbit for today..." she growled through her teeth, trying to keep her eye from spasming.  
  
This chapter has been brought to you by:  
  
~Asuka-chan: "Curiouser and Curiouser"  
&  
~N-chan: "¡Danger! A dangerous toy. This toy is being made for the   
extreme priority the good looks. The little part which suffocates   
when the sharp part which gets hurt is swallowed is contained   
generously. Only the person who can take responsibility by itself is   
to play." -- Old Engrish 


	5. The Queen ? of Hearts

Weiss in Wonderland!  
  
Rating: PG - 13 now. Authors: Nanaki-chan and Sohryu Asuka (AKA Resident Bishounen). collectively, Nanasuka.  
  
Note: This is the third post to an RPG that we thought we'd share. We should be posting the rest as a fic, too. if you want to help write it, join the group. It's at yahoo groups, under the name of Weiss in Wonderland  
  
Hope to see you there!  
  
Unbeknownst to most, Schuldig took the opportunity of a pause amongst his favorite group of tourists to materialize amongst them. He was lying on the floor, with his face poised to look up Omi's dress. After a moment of pause, Ten finally saw fit to retract her claws and patted Omi on the head, sighing quietly. She didn't feel like speaking at the moment. She'd done that enough in the last chapter. That was when Schuldig made his presence known. He couldn't help it. The sight he saw was just BEGGING to be commented on,  
  
"Hey Omi. Nice thong. You kinky thing, you," he teased. Ten's eye spasmed shut and she quickly leaned to one side to confirm her suspicion,  
  
"GAH!" she screamed, then heaved Omi up onto her shoulder and quickly proceeded to step on Schuldig's head, "Fucking hentai!!" Schuldig managed to get his head out from under Ten's foot none too soon. Ten glared at Schuldig,  
  
"I hate you so much...I'm going rub barbeque sauce all over your testicles and drop you into a pit of man-eating fire ants. No more, you fucker," she said, hissing it at him. Schuldig rolled his eyes,  
  
"Fine. Wander around here forever," he pouted. Ten's left eye twitched and she snarled,  
  
"UGH! I'm not talking to you!" she screamed, then put Omi next to Nakami and turned her back on the Cheshire, her arms crossed. If one was a mind-reader, then one could hear the string of curses in many languages running through her mind at the particular moment. Yay multi-lingual. Schuldig chose to ignore the comment, and began walking away nonchalantly. Nakami held Omi back, lest he run off again. Omi chose to shout at Schu instead,  
  
"WAIT! Where do we go from here!" he purposefully refrained from mentioning the rabbit, since his kitten guardians looked angry. Ten's tail twitched back and forth irritably as she waited to see if Sir Hentai was going to answer. Schuldig kept walking, but did a little turn-thingy as he answered,  
  
"Why should I care? Go wherever you like." Ten growled and turned about,  
  
"No one asked you to care. I want to know how the hell to get out of this God-forsaken acid-trip world and back to my home. I don't know about either of my companions, but I've had it about up to here with this 'Wonderland' shit," she said, indicating a random area on her neck, "Wonderland my ass. More like Massive-Pain-in-the-Assland. The entire purpose of us coming to Wonderland is equal to Omi wanting to snog the White Rabbit. Any direction in which we can find our way home would be a nice start," she finished, crossing her arms again.  
  
"Yes, I double that sentiment" Nakami added. Cue the stereotyped Omi- struggling and protesting. It was all Ten could do not to whap the chibi. Him and his God-forsaken struggling. Schuldig stopped, and leaned against a conveniently located tree. He chuckled.  
  
"You see... the thing is... YOU don't have a way out. There are only the Queen's ways," he explained. Ten quirked an eyebrow,  
  
"Who now?" she asked.  
  
"The Queen," Schuldig said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Omi's eyes grew wide. He had never met royalty before! Ten glanced down and Omi and managed to keep herself from groaning at the sparkly look Omi had in his eyes now. Back to the pain-in-the-ass cat,  
  
"Yes, Queen. You said Queen. I did in fact hear you. Mind explaining to me who he/she is and where he/she is?" she asked, flicking her wrist, waiting for an explanation.  
  
"Well..." said Schu, and he promptly disappeared, "You could go this way," he materialized in front of a path, then disappeared again. "OR you could go this way," he appeared in front of another path and disappeared, "But I'd recommend the shortcut," he materialized back in front of his tree, and yanked on the nearest branch. All of a sudden, the tree turned into a door, which opened. Ten looked at the door,  
  
"Uh-huh...well, I suppose that's handier than having to walk there, considering we've been running around in perpetual circles all damn day," she said, "Ladies first," she said, nudging Omi forward. Nakami giggled at this, but Omi either didn't hear in his bliss, or ignored it, because he charged through the door like a herd of elephants.  
  
"Gah!" Ten charged in after him, "Stupid child! Reminder to self; get harness for child," she said, then continued the chase. The Queen of Hearts was enjoying a nice game of Croquet when he (she?) noticed a little girl running his (her) way. The girl seemed interesting enough, so the Queen called her over.  
  
"You over there! Girl!" he (she) called. Two words immediately ran through Ten's mind when she saw this "Queen" that had been mentioned. 'Oh' and 'shit' seemed to fit the bill rather nicely. However, before she could grab Omi, he took off towards the Queen. Ten snarled quietly and continued her chase. Omi, for his part, didn't stop until he was in front of the man wearing the (rather large, bouffy, stylish and expensive looking) dress,  
  
"You called?" he asked genkily, "I'm not a girl, but here I am anyway!" Nakami also chased Omi, holding in comments about staying away from strange men in elaborate dresses. Ten finally caught up to Omi and it took nearly all of her willpower not to tackle the little brat and throttle him. She let out a loud noise that was much like a cross between a snarl and scream,  
  
"I'm going to kill you! Not right now, but MAN am I going to kill you!" she said, holding her hands about Omi's neck in a rather threatening manner. The Queen placed himself between The Nekojo and the cross-dressing boy.  
  
"Not if you value your head, miss kitty," he said, crossing his arms. Aside from giving this rather butch Queen a blank look, the only other reaction Ten could give was to glower at Omi rather menacingly, promising him a bit more pain if he ran off like that again...even though the promise was painfully empty. The Queen ignored this, and turned back to Omi.  
  
"I am Brad Crawford, the Queen of Hearts. Tell me, boy, do you play croquet?" he asked. Omi looked up at the Queen with the starry eyes again,  
  
"Well, um... no, but I could learn!" he said hopefully. Ten pouted softly,  
  
"Oh no..." she muttered, burying her face in her hands. Nakami wasn't sure if she was imagining it, but she saw a look in the 'queen's' eyes that she didn't particularly like. She risked glaring at him. Meanwhile, the Queen snapped his fingers and summoned croquet things for Omi. Ten struggled not to maim or kill something within her grasp and merely let out an exasperated sigh, and fell flat on her ass on the ground, mumbling something about God-forsaken lawn sports. Nakami joined Ten, muttering something about what she would do to the she-male Queen if he so much as laid a finger on Omi. Ten sighed, an almost sad tone to it,  
  
"Oh...my life is a sham."  
  
This chapter has been brought to you by:  
  
~Asuka-chan: "But mommy! I don't WANNA study for my exams! ;_;" & ~N-chan: "Oh influenza, how I loathe thee." 


End file.
